


I’m Sorry, I Love You

by fromalegna



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, Historical, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, MinWon - Freeform, meanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-27 04:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromalegna/pseuds/fromalegna
Summary: Wen Junhui had never intended to fall in love with the crown princess. And the crown princess never intended to be engaged to Xu Minghao.A one-shot fic based on the song Junhui covered.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted an AU Prompt in Twitter and decided to just write a one-shot about it :) Ready your tissues, boys and girls. I aim to hurt (with words of course haha). 
> 
> If you want better “feels”, listen to the song while reading. Also, I want you all to count the times he wanted to say “the words” :)

This is a story of Wen Junhui; the guy who likes his childhood friend—who was also his best friend and his princess. The person he serves for, the person he must risk everything for. _You_.

You and Junhui had been friends ever since they were little and the moment Junhui saw you, he knew that he had to protect this girl no matter what. It was like your meeting had been fated even before in your past lives.

You and him became close and became best of friends, being the only boy the King and Queen trusts beside their other guards, Junhui automatically became the your protector. And he didn’t minded that at first. However, as time passes by, he slowly realizes his responsibility and limitations. When the time comes, you have to marry a prince for the kingdom’s sake.

“How do you feel about it?”

The breeze passed by around the two of you as you look up at the sky, your eyes filled with an emotion Junhui could never fathom.

“My life is my kingdom, not the other way around.” your words rang in his head and it further made him much confused as he is.

He had no idea if his secret love for you was worth to be said out loud.

He wanted to tell you that he loves you but he’s also sorry because he wouldn’t be able to give an effort to fight for his love.

He was wrong. Your meeting was not a fate for the two of you to be together for both couldn’t escape your endings. Him as a protector who should be ready to risk his life for the princess and you as a princess that was to be married to a prince to save your kingdom.

Xu Minghao came to the Kingdom when you was eighteen but you and Minghao were engaged ever since you two were children, bonded by an agreement by the Xu and Huang family. At your first meeting, Junhui watched as Minghao ushered you out of his side and spent the day with you—something Junhui and you do everyday.

That day, Junhui watched as the love of his life walks away from him.

Still, he wanted to say how much he loves you so much. He wanted to say how sorry he is to choose not to fight for you. He thought you wanted prince Minghao until one day, he heard cries. A cry of a sorrowful woman who speaks of nothing but a wish of death.

It was you, crying towards your mother.

“Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t I just marry the love of my life?” you exclaimed in anguish and confusion. Junhui’s brain told him not to eavesdrop but is his remained unmoving as he heard her whisper audibly.

“Why can’t I just marry Junhui?”

A slap echoed through the walls, a slap that surely had hurt you not only physically.

“Don’t you dare utter those words again.” was the command of the Queen, your mother to you. And before Junhui knows it, he was later assigned to a different position the day after. A much lower rank at that.

He was glad that you somehow managed to reciprocate the same feelings towards him but...

It felt wrong.

Everyone would hate on you once you marry someone like him and not Prince Minghao. Not only that but you could be physically hurt by other people—an example would be your parents who would not think twice and punish you for not obeying their wishes.

He’d rather not fight for love than let you hurt because of it.

It had been a week since Junhui and you had last seen each other. Junhui thought he would never get to see you again until one day, you appeared in their secret meting place—a place where you two always hangout when you were kids; the tree by the end of the stream.

“Where have you been?!” you shouted at him but as he was about to answer, you already had your arms around his neck in a tight embrace. He could sense that you would not let go any minute thus he let himself indulge in the feeling of having his arms around the love of his life without anyone stopping him.

That moment, for some reason he wanted to say the words “I’m sorry, I love you.”

But he didn’t.

You two hugged until you let go and says the three words he’d been dying to tell you.

“I love you, Junhui.”

It was music to his ears, as if the memory of their first meeting was replayed in his mind, when he told himself that they were fated for each other. His mind went on like that until reality slaps him so hard.

“How about Prince Minghao?” he questions, unsure of his intentions. He was not sure if he wanted to change your mind or if he wanted to confirm if you really love him. It was too good to be true.

“He knows.” You look down, unable to meet his eyes. “He knows I like you.” there was a blush tinged on your cheeks and Junhui thought before that he would never be able to make you react like that. Now, it feels like all his dreams are coming true.

“Then what about the wedding?” he tries again. “I mean he can’t just marry himself... or else?” he even jokes. He watches as a small smile forms on your lips and your eyes looks up to meet his gaze.

“He told me that I should make a choice.” There was a short pause before, “And I choose you.”

However, your eyes were begging when you asked “Do you love me too?” 

It was his chance. (Might be) his only chance to confess to you how much he cares for you, how all he wants is to protect you with all of his might. How he wanted to just talk with you and spend the whole day with you.

He wanted to spend his whole life with you yet he let it slip away.

“I’m sorry.” was the only words he said. He was sorry that he couldn’t fight for you. He’s sorry that he doesn’t want to risk you hurting.

That’s why he left out the I love you. Even if he wanted so much to tell it to you.

What he didn’t know, he was hurting you himself by telling that lie and he was too late to realize that he wouldn’t be able to take it back for he suddenly felt your warmth disappear, only to find you walking away with your back turned to him.

He was suddenly remembered of the first day you met Prince Minghao. How he easily pulled you away from Junhui and how you just let him take you. He was reminded that Prince Minghao would most likely be able to you her a better life. That’s why, he chose to think that he was hurting you for your own sake.

The next morning, there were whispers all over the palace; an affair between a higher and lower rank. Junhui didn’t mind it at first but he soon realized how it affects him. Everybody knows he and you, the princess had been best friends since the start. What if they started to misunderstand especially since the date of your wedding gets near? Junhui became anxious of his surroundings and despite being one of the guards who didn’t care about what anyone says, he became vigilant, careful that his actions may give it away.

“I feel bad for them, even if I don’t know who they are.” says Soonyoung who he’s with the entire time due to the change of shifts. Before, Junhui just passes Soonyoung in the hallways, not even having time to chat since he was always with the princess. Now that they were assigned together, everything became different.

“My last partner was in love with a maiden, you know.” Soonyoung says. “I don’t know why but he suddenly disappeared. I’m thinking he got reassigned but he can also have been... you know, moved far away. Or worse.” Soonyoung’s face changed into some sort of fear and Junhui can’t help to imitate him too.

The next morning, the rumours died down and Junhui was at ease. It went on like that, him being peaceful for the next couple of days and just focusing in his work as a palace guard. However, chaos broke out when shouts were heard throughout the palace.

It was the shouts of pain of one of his colleagues, Jeon Wonwoo. Aside from his pain were the cries of someone familiar;m. In a short distance, Kim Mingyu, the Prime Minister’s son was present. Just from the sight of Wonwoo’s torture and Mingyu’s crying face, Junhui knew what was happening.

Wonwoo and Mingyu has an affair. The lower and the higher ranked has a secret relationship that’s not much of a secret anymore.

“No, please don’t, father!” Mingyu’s shouts garners a lot of attention, people coming just to watch. Soonyoung cries behind Junhui as they watch Wonwoo get tortured by the Prime Minister himself.

“Don’t hurt him!”

“Please don’t.”

“Stop it!”

“Torture me instead! Please, father!”

“Don’t hurt him!” Mingyu’s cries were kept on repeat as he was being held by the other palace guards—the Prime Minister’s—and even if he was a big person, he seemed vulnerable at the sight of Wonwoo being hurt. Junhui felt how much Mingyu cares for Wonwoo at just that.

Soonyoung is Wonwoo’s best friend, Junhui knows that fact. And talk about fate. It had not been a week since Soonyoung told Junhui how sorry he was to the recipient of the rumours. From Junhui’s point of view, he thinks Soonyoung didn’t know his best friend has a relationship with the Prime Minister’s son.

By the end of the day, Jeon Wonwoo passed away due to blood loss. His body was dragged away from Mingyu—who was able to escape from the guards—who kept on clinging to Wonwoo’s lifeless body. It was a sad scene yet all the murmurs around them made Junhui tough. Even if he doesn’t approve of these, he has no choice but to obey.

Junhui didn’t see you during the torture but he did saw Minghao. They had locked eyes at one point, even. At that small connection they made, Junhui felt the intensity of Mighao’s eyes; it was as if he was telling him that if he had told you of his feelings, you two would be like Wonwoo and Mingyu.

That his life will be taken just like Wonwoo’s.

Soonyoung mourned and even if Junhui didn’t have much interaction with Wonwoo, he was still his colleague. Wonwoo only had a few people; Soonyoung, his best friend, Seungcheol, the princess’ new bodyguard who was his good friend and Seokmin, Wonwoo’s younger brother. Junhui thought it must be why Wonwoo had fallen in love and wasn’t able to stop his feelings. Like how the princess completes Junhui’s heart, Mingyu must’ve completed Wonwoo’s.

As for Mingyu, Junhui and the others had never seen him again. There were rumours that he was sent far away to remove the dirt he’d inflicted on his family’s name while others say that he was sent off to marry some princess somewhere far.

Either way, Junhui thinks both of the rumours were true. The Prime Minister was known to be strict in his rules and to think that his own son would disobey him? It must’ve been a huge wound on his pride.

The day of your wedding was the day Junhui first saw you after your confession of love to him. The wedding was supposed to be a few months away but it was suddenly moved in a much nearer date in a reason no one knows. Many thinks it’s because the Xu family wanted to rush it but nobody knows for sure. Not that Junhui will ever be able to stop the wedding anyway. He thinks it’s better that the wedding is done sooner before he starts to regret more of his decisions.

You look utterly beautiful in your traditional wedding attire but despite of the make up, the moment the cloth was lifted from covering your face and you automatically scanned your surroundings, Junhui saw how tired your eyes were. At the simple sight of you, Junhui was reminded of how much he misses you. He misses your talks, your laughs, your skin ship. He misses you.

He misses everything about you.

Junhui and you made eye contact and it was as if the world has stop spinning, the time stops ticking and the people around them vanished. You were all he sees and he knew that he has your attention too. At that moment, he regretted rejecting you. He regretted not fighting for you. He regrets that he had given you easily to Minghao, hurting you in an emotional pain that he could never imagine.

You are worth fighting for and Junhui is a fool to have forgotten about that. People often say that he was childish and his decisions were a proof of that.

You breaks your gazes before anyone else could notice and unfortunately, the ceremony went on.

“Is there anyone who’s against the union of these two?”

Your gazes met again. “I’m sorry, I love you.”, Junhui wanted to say. Minghao also averted his eyes to Junhui, making a brief eye contact before Minghao and you were claimed as husband and wife. 

It was only when Junhui heard the declaration that the thought of never holding you in his arms ever again crossed his mind. He would never get the chance to make you smile, make you laugh because in the end, you’re not the one responsible to do that anymore.

It’s Prince Minghao’s responsibility now.

After the wedding, everyone thought that you and Prince Minghao would have already done the wedding night ritual like everyone expects them to be.

But they didn’t.

Rumors about your hesitance became the talks of the maids, the guards and practically everyone.

“Does the princess not like him?” Soonyoung hums to himself that afternoon. Soonyoung was slowly coping up, despite witnessing his best friend be tortured to death. He would rant to Junhui how much he hated the system, how unfair everything is not only to them lower ranks but also to the higher ranked people who falls in love with them.

Junhui gives him a shrug on the shoulder as an answer. You might’ve confessed your love to him a few weeks back but he’s not sure if you still feels the same. He also haven’t told anyone about it. He can live with keeping it to himself because he had a firm decision not to think about it. The more he thinks about it, the more he’ll regret what he did.

Just as he and Soonyoung was about to end their shift and go home, they came across you, running towards them. No one is to be seen around at this late at night but at the sight of you crying, both Junhui and Soonyoung halted in their tracks until Junhui was tackled in a hug.

You were crying.

“What’s wrong?” asks Jun in worry as he immediately brought his arms around you and gently patted your head to somehow calm you down.

“I don’t want this anymore.” comes your muffled voice and Junhui glances at Soonyoung who must’ve sensed the situation.

“I’ll go but hide her before they all realize the princess is not in bed.” Soonyoung smiles at him before walking away and Junhui was glad he did.

“Come on, let’s go to my room.” Junhui ushers her away from the dark corridor towards his headquarters, somewhere far away from the higher ranks.

“What’s wrong?” he asks again after he had let you sit down on his bed. Your eyes focused on him and you can’t help but fall much deeper in love again.

Both of you had missed each other. Even if Minghao was a great husband and a greater lover, you just don’t feel anything at all. There were some heart flutters due to Minghao’s sweet gestures and wise choice of words but the spark that you have on Junhui just wasn’t there.

You are in love with Junhui and him only.

His dark long silky hair, his captivating slanted eyes. Not only that but his personality was what draw you in. He’s nervous and tense at all times but he can also be alluring and even lively too. He’s inconsistent with his moods but he makes sure he doesn’t do anything to hurt you.

And that’s why you fell in love with him.

The only time that he hurt you was the time you confessed to him. But you know he didn’t mean any of it. You know that he feels the same to you. You just know it.

Wihout realizing, the two of you became silent and just stared into each other, as if the two of you are speaking with just each other’s eyes. You don’t know how long you two had eye contact but for you, it was the most peaceful moment of your life. Junhui always made you tike your mind off of things—things that make you feel stressed, pressured. Even if those things were part of the job description as a princess, Junhui will always have a way to assure you that everything will be fine.

Without thinking, Junhui leaned forward, your foreheads touching and noses brushing. You can feel his breath on your skin, turning labored as the air around the both of you thickens.

He would’ve had his first kiss with you but you suddenly pulled away after a few moments, seemingly out of breath.

“I can’t.” was your first words, almost like it was forced out of your mouth. “I can’t do this to you.” you say as memories of Wonwoo’s torture comes to Junhui’s mind. Junhui realized that all this time, he’d been thinking of your safety when there is a high possibility that he would be the one who would have his life taken.

“I can’t do this to Prince Minghao.” and Junhui’s body straightened right away once he heard your husband’ s name. You were married. And it was his fault.

He was given a lot of chances to say the words he’d been wanting to say but he let it all slip from his grasp easily due to his cowardice.

“I’m sorry” he lets out once again, trying to say the next three words. I love you. It was simple yet his voice just don’t want to cooperate with him. He was still a coward.

On the other hand, you knew what Junhui wanted to say but since it was too good to be true and you never really heard it say to you, you were beginning to lose hope.

Maybe he didn‘t like you after all, you thought.

You smiled a sad smile and your eyes cast down to the ground. “I should go.” you contemplated first before letting out your next sentence. He has the right to know, after all you two are best friends. “Minghao is waiting for us.”

You stood up and head towards the door, hoping Junhui got the message.

“Us?” he repeated and you halted from your steps, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah.” you answered, facing Junhui and looking him at the eyes. “I’m pregnant with Prince Minghao’s child.”

Junhui’s breathing stopped and he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to react, even. Something unpredictable had happened and he was not prepared for it.

“What?” was his only response and your heart broke at his voice. It was far from the Junhui you know. The Junhui who always comes up with witty comebacks and lively smile when he’s with you. You were the only one who gets to see his smile and you were honored. But now, the only personality that you can remember in him as he responds to you was him being eloquent, his expressions and responses never failing to show what he truly feels. His brows was furrowed and his eyes. Oh, his eyes would hunt you forever. His eyes told you how confused and baffled he was, almost telling you to take back your words and tell him it was all just a joke.

But it wasn’t.

“It’s the reason why the wedding was rushed and why... we didn’t consummate the night of the wedding.” you pauses. “It was an accident, really.” you reason out even if you really don’t have to. “I... He was there when I needed somebody.” your voice faltered, realizing that there was no point in explaining these to Junhui. And he realized it too.

“Then, congratulations... on your baby.” Junhui stammered. More like forced out. He gave you a smile much like his words and you returned it with the same manner.

“I love you, Junhui.” you say in a hushed but sincere tone before going out of the sliding door and walking past the dark hallways towards your shared room with Minghao with a heavy heart.

“I love you too.” Junhui whispers but you were already gone to be able to hear it. It was all his fault. If he told you he loves you that day, you two wouldn’t be in this situation right now. If he only had the courage that day, then maybe, just maybe... you two would still be happy with each other instead of hurting just by seeing the other.

The next morning, Junhui never expected anything eventful. However, fate wasn’t in his side.

Junhui was just about to meet Soonyoung for their daily rounds when the moment he went out of his room, there were already men waiting for him, grabbing him instantly and dragging him out, towards the open field.

Last time Junhui had been here was when Jeon Wonwoo was tortured in the exact same place. Where Wonwoo’s life was taken away. Junhui let his eyes wander and found only a few people in the place unlike last time. A few guards, Soonyoung included, the Prime Minister, and Minghao. At that moment, Junhui knew what was going to happen to him. He was going to suffer the same fate Jeon Wonwoo suffered.

And it’s all because of Soonyoung. Soonyoung walked towards him and Junhui gave him a glare. “So it was you.”he says. Soonyoung smirks, “So what if it was me?”

Soonyoung’s statements was hard to tell but Junhui just knows that he was the one who told everyone about him and you. He was the one who told everyone about Jeon Wonwoo and Kim Mingyu. He betrayed his own best friend.

“What do you get out of this?” Junhui questions and Soonyoung crosses his arm with a smug smile. “Why do you think I’m still alive, Junhui?”

“You don’t know what it feels like to be hungry, you don’t know what if feels like to do something over and over again just to survive.” Soonyoung mutters to Junhui with a tone he never uses. “You may be on a lower rank but you live in the palace ever since because you’re friends with the princess. But really, are you just friends or something more?”

If Junhui’s wrists weren’t tied up, he would’ve punched Soonyoung straight in the face but there are restraints on him and someone was already pulling his hair and made him look above.

It was a guard. Seungcheol, the princess’ personal bodyguard.

“I’m sorry, Junhui. This had to be done.” Seungcheol said with remorse as Junhui suddenly felt a pain on his back, then the back of his knees and then everywhere. His strength was beginning to ebb and his ability to stop his reactions. There were at least four guards torturing him, one of them being Seungcheol while Soonyoung watches from afar with a cheshire grin. Junhui’s eyes were blurring but he suddenly caught Minghao’s eyes. He may not know him personally but he knows he is a good man. Junhui proved it by seeing how Minghao probably didn’t want this to happen but he stood there, unable to do anything.

To stop torturing the man his wife loves.

Junhui felt bad for Minghao. He can see how genuine he is for you and that Minghao would take care of you even if your heart is with someone else’s.

“What are you doing, Cheol?!” your shout broke Junhui’s thoughts and his eyes fell on you, running towards him. Minghao was the one who stopped you, hugging you to stop you from interrupting the torture.

“Cheol, no stop! Seungcheol! I command you to stop!” your words however were sent into dead ears. All of them ignored you.

“Just keep on hitting him til he breaks.” says the Prime Minister and the guards followed him. There was no stopping them. Junhui drew in ragged breath after another, feeling something much more painful hit him on his back. It had much more sting than the whip and it definitely had some spikes on it.

“Oh no, Seungcheol stop this!” you cried as you saw what they were using on Junhui. Minghao looked back and saw it too. He knew it will affect you deeply if you’ll witness the torture for much longer. That’s why he had to bring his hand up and cover your eyes, also looking away.

“It’s going to be alright.” Minghao whispers. “Everything will be okay.” he repeats. You continued to cry but instead of fighting back, you only wrapped your arms around Minghao. Junhui’s shouts increased and your tears couldn’t stop falling anymore. You couldn’t handle this.

“Please tell them to stop.” you whisper to Minghao. “Please... I love him.” your voice was muffled on his chest but Minghao was able to hear it. Even if he had no power, he had to try. For you.

The moment Minghao turned back, his eyes widened at Junhui’s situation. “Oh no.”

“What, what happened?” You pulled out Minghao’s hand on your eyes and you had the same reaction as you saw Junhui; lying on the ground, his long dark hair and his once neat clothes drenched in blood. His blood.

Seungcheol and the others stepped away from Junhui as you run towards them, pulling yourself away from Minghao. Minghao didn’t had the strength to stop you because even if he is your husband, you never loved him as much as you loved the man on the ground, on the verge of dying.

Minghao turns to a guard and gives him a glare. “Go get him a doctor.”

“But—“

“Go!” and the guard scampered away, following the prince’s order.

“No, Junhui... please don’t leave me.” you cried as you kneeled beside him, scanning the damage they took on the love of your life. Junhui’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of your voice and he smiled, blood flowing out of his mouth.

“I didn’t really want you to see me like this.” he tries to say but his voice was croaked amd you are almost unable to hear it. You reached out your hand and stroke his cheek, your eyes failing to stop the tears from spilling out. You knew he was going to die.

You just know it.

“Please don’t leave me.” even still, you let out what you wanted to say. “I love you _so_ much.”

Junhui didn’t have to think. “I’m sorry.” he coughs and blood comes out of his mouth. He really wanted to say it. He should say it. Now more than ever.

“No, don’t talk anymore. Just... hold on for me.” you cry. You were hoping for some miracle. Instead, what you got is Junhui reaching up his weak hand and brushes the tears on your cheeks. He smiled and whispered the words that you have been waiting for ever since you were young.

“_I love you_.”

Your eyes widened in shock. You watched his hand fall from your face and his eyes flutter close. Everything was silent and you felt your heart stop as Junhui inhales his last breath. But what caught your eyes were the smile on his lips.

Junhui was happy. He was happy that he had finally said the words he wanted to say even if those words wouldn’t change anything. His soul was in peace and he hopes that yours are too.


	2. I’m Sorry, I Love Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince Minghao loves you, but you still love Junhui. 
> 
> —an epilogue

"You gazed into the eyes of your dying love, the eyes you get to see with all the smiles he gave you the first time you met.”

* * *

The first time you had feelings for Junhui was the day your mother died.

_“Shh, everything will be alright.” he says in a hushed voice as he pulls your head gently to him and let you nuzzle on his neck. You were close to crying again but you can feel the others’ stares, as two teens hug each other as if it was only them who owns the world._

_“Let it all out. Don’t mind the others.” Junhui’s voice breaks your thoughts and your tears began to stream down your cheeks at the thought of never having to see your mother again. To embrace her, to feel her goodnight kisses, to hear her voice._

_You were turning thirteen and he was fifteen by that time. You knew that as you reached your teen years, you would be engaged to a prince. You knew that ever since you were young. That was why you chose not to catch feelings to anyone and also why your father decided that not one young boy will get to interact with you._

_Not one but Junhui._

_He was there to comfort you when everything inside you broke and by that, you felt just how much he cares about you. There was something in his actions that touched your shielded heart and at first, it scared you._

_It was your first time having feelings to someone and the fact that you had no one to talk to openly about it scared you even more. Your father, the King had a new wife, a new Queen and she was a strict woman, always wanting everything to be perfect. Even in abiding the rules._

_“Are you alright?”_

_“Huh?” you looked up and saw a beautiful man with long blonde hair, almost as white as snow. He looks familiar but you know for yourself you don’t know him before. “Who are you?”_

_“Who am I? I am you.” he says seriously and you were about to give him a confused stare when he suddenly laughed. “Just kidding, don’t be like me, no one liked me. I’m Yoon Jeonghan, your new brother.” his smile was charming as he introduced himself, almost seeing the new Queen in him. That day, Junhui was not the only boy that gets to come close with you. It was only Jeonghan who you shared about your feelings for Junhui. Jeonghan gave you a lot of his opinions and advices and you trust him with those for you find him very intellectual. Some say he’s one of the wisest princes and you have to agree with that._

_“Your brother is very... decisive.” says Junhui when you inquired him of his opinion about Jeonghan and when you were hanging out in your secret place._

_“Well he’s nice.” you smile. Even if Jeonghan was raised with a mother who is very strict at rules, he himself said to you that you should not be afraid of loving a person as long as you know for yourself that that person is the right one for you._

_However as time passed by, you and Jeonghan slowly fell apart and you blamed it on the Queen for she always make Jeonghan do something for her that will in return gain trust from your father, the King. You know about the Queen‘s plot for Jeonghan to take your throne but you also know for yourself that Jeonghan will never do that to you._

_“Where is Prince Jeonghan?” Junhui asks._

_“What? Are you seriously jealous of my brother?” you laugh as you sit beside him, leaning your head on his shoulder automatically._

_“You’ve been hanging out with him ever since he came here. I thought you forgot you have a best friend.” you can feel a pout on his face even if you weren’t looking and you smiled at the thought._

_“Well, I’m here now. No need to fret.” you say and you felt the need to explain to him. “We were just talking about... important things.”_

_You felt him turn his head and look at you. You did the same as he speaks.“Is it a family thing?”_

_Your eyes scanned his and you saw yourself. The fear of being anxious and knowing the unknown. The curiosity._

_But you lied, with a bit of hesitation. “It’s a family thing.” right on his face._

_Because you will never admit that you like him._

* * *

_“I love you, Junhui.” you confessed. You finally did._

_Throughout the years, you kept it to yourself even with the knowing that there’s a huge possibility that Junhui feels the same._

_You can see the same hesitation in his eyes. The hesitation you always see whenever you two stare too long. The same hesitation you gave to Junhui when you lied about your conversation with Jeonghan._

_“How about Prince Minghao?” there it is. The questions._

_“He knows.” You look down, at the thought of Minghao. “He knows I like you.” you say as your cheeks flush in embarrassment,p._

_“Then what about the wedding?” you immediately sensed that he was somehow trying to convince you to change your mind, as if it was easy. “I mean he can’t just marry himself... or else?” he even jokes. You smile but as you look up, you were hurt by his words._

_He sounds as if your confession was a joke._

_“He told me that I should make a choice.” you paused, hesitating if you should tell the truth “And I choose you.” Nevertheless, it was time to stop lying._

_However, your mouth stopped following you as you suddenly asked “Do you love me too?” without a thought. It was a reckless move and you remembered Jeonghan telling you to be careful._

_You can only blame yourself as you heard him say“I’m sorry.” As if he was saying sorry that he doesn’t like you._

_For the first time in your life, you doubted the thought of him feeling the same way about you. You only wished Jeonghan was there for you when you ran for someone to comfort you._

_Luckily, Prince Minghao was there._

* * *

“Soonyoung” you called out and the guard turned and walked to you, his face remaining neutral as you glared at him in spite. “Why did you do it?” you questioned him, your look unwavering. You still couldn’t belive that Junhui was gone. A few days after his death, you mourned in your shared room with Minghao and kept on blaming yourself. This was the first time you went out and Soonyoung was the first person who you wanted to talk to.

His reaction remained the same but as soon as he answered, his tone was kind of different. “It’s unfair.” he paused, hesitating. “You all get to love freely even if it’s clearly forbidden. It’s unfair, especially to those who also got caught and died as a consequence.”

You knew those words had a hidden meaning. You could tell he wasn’t lying as well.That’s why you immediately asked him out of concern, this time. “Soonyoung... did something happened to you before?” you chose your words carefully. Your question made Soonyoung‘s gaze hardened and you almost shivered in fear.

“Junhui would never have been my partner when I still have one.” he says and your memory slowly came back. The memory of a young smiley guard who was always the first to greet you whenever he and Soonyoung passes you by.

Lee Seokmin.

Come to think of it, Seokmin suddenly went missing just before you got slapped by your mother after confessing to her your feelings about Junhui—who eventually gets reassigned to be Soonyoung’s partner.

“What happened to Seokmin?”

Soonyoung’s face turn grim at the mere mention of Seokmin’s name. It was as if he was traumatised by the memories of the past. Soonyoung’s gaze dropped again as he begins to recall what happened before.

“He loved the right person at the wrong place and the wrong time.” he paused and his eyes softens. “As a lower rank, he suffered a death of a sin that both him and his lover committed. Yet he was the only one that died.”

Soonyoung made eye contact and it was different. You realized that he has many sides and this one, apparently is the side that he showed Junhui. And it scares you a lot.When he was about to go, your curiosity got you better and caused you to ask Soonyoung who was the person who Seokmin loved. Who was the person that also survived.

He seemed to have hesitated for a bit before he answered. “Jeonghan of the Yoon family. I don’t know where he is right now but I hope he’s also suffering.” you immediately sensed the hatred in Soonyoung’s voice but what caught your attention more was who it was.

Jeonghan?

“My brother?” your voice broke and the pieces of the story came together in your mind. But you couldn’t accept it.

“He’s your brother?” you wouldn’t be surprised if Soonyoung doesn’t know. He’s only been a guard for a year and a half. He doesn’t know about the Prince who vanished without a trace and only gotten news of his death.

“Yes,” you look down at the memory of your gorgeous half brother. No wonder why he was not against you and Junhui. No wonder why he told you not to be like him and that no one likes him. You finally got it.

“He didn’t left Seokmin, Soonyoung.” you say. “He was imprisoned by the Queen, his mother and he took his life away there. I never even got to visit him because I got the news too late. No one really spoke of it in the palace because if they do, the people will curse the Queen for killing her own son. And only now that I realize that if she tries to explains, she will only be cursed more at the fact that her son... is not the perfect son they know.”

Soonyoung was silent and you sensed his realization at the same time.

“I’m sorry.” he says and you gave him a sad smile.

“You didn’t have to. I know you didn’t mean to have your best friend and your partner to be killed.” at the mention of Wonwoo, you can feel the grief in Soonyoung’s face.

“I never meant to tell his and Mingyu’s affair. If only I knew it was him who the Prime Minister’s son was with, I wouldn’t have spread the rumor and told the Prime Minister of his son’s disobedience.” Soonyoung explained and you let him. Somehow, he has to let it all out and not keep his pain inside.

“It’s not your fault, Soonyoung.” you say even if Soonyoung was literally the root cause of Junhui’s death, you blame it on him.

It was the society’s fault. The mindset that the hardheaded higher-ups want to imply to their people.

And suddenly, this is not just a story of Wen Junhui; the guy who likes his childhood friend—who was also his best friend and his princess. This is a story for everyone who loves a person the society won’t let them and how it affects them. That sometimes, it’s not just about the two people involved but also those who loves and care for them; what they do for “revenge” or “justice”.

* * *

“Hi there, Prince Jun.” you coo and the little prince smiles up to you at the mention of his name. You had just given birth to a healthy baby boy and Minghao surprisingly suggested to name him Jun, even if your parents clearly objected the idea, they had no choice because you and Minghao were the parents after all.

And you are basically the Queen.

It’s also been five months since you were coronated, right during your pregnancy. Your father was the one who suggested to pass the throne to you and Minghao before the baby comes out of your belly. You didn’t protested because either way, it was a win-win situation.

It has also been months since Junhui’s death and you still can’t believe that he’s not alive anymore. A man you will always love. You didn’t want to move on and forget about him. His jokes, his laugh, his smile... it will forever be imprinted in your heart. 

”How’s our little prince?” a voice tears you away from your thoughts and you turn to find Minghao approaching you with his eyes focused on the baby on your arms. You smiled as Minghao plays with the baby, joy written all over his face. You admit that you have a newfound love for Minghao. But it will never be the same as what you felt about Junhui. It’s because Junhui and Minghao are different and they showed you their love in a different way as well. 

Junhui may be someone you will always love. But Minghao taught you that love is not limited to one person only. You agreed to marry Minghao not because of your baby but it was because of his love. 

His love taught you to love again.

_ I love you Junhui. _

_ But I’m sorry. _

_ _

”I love you.” 

_ for I love him now. _

Minghao looks up. The joy in his eyes were gone and it was replaced with something deeper, something you can’t decipher. 

He smiled. “I love you too.”

It may have not been the ending that you dreamed of. But it was an ending you were contented on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thank you to everyone who had read this :) will be writing more soon!
> 
> -roshy

**Author's Note:**

> How is it? 
> 
> And like I said in the beginning, how many times did he wanted to say “the words”? Did it match the times he said it in the song?


End file.
